My Minds Made Up

Keeping spirits high in the midst of relationship issues is no easy feat.

After 17 years together it’s fair to assume that you could, would and should remain a strong unit well into your twilight years.

Tyrone (handle ive given ‘him’ courtesy of the great Erykah Badu) and I grew up together (in the sense that I met him when I was 18 and i’m now in my mid-30’s) we have a teenage daughter together, we’ve loved hard, fought hard and everything in between. We’ve known each other long enough to know exactly what the other is thinking by looking at them, can finish each others sentences and have an innate sense of what the other needs when, why and how (without speaking a word).

Unfortunately just because you know someone so well does not mean that your relationship ain’t going to shit itself. Trust is everything to me and at this point in my life I can do without anyone who bullshits me. So this is where my dilemma begins…

I caught Tyrone out on a couple of lies recently. The lies themselves weren’t scandalous BUT the point is that if Tyrone can’t trust me enough to lay it out exactly how it is without sugarcoating (lying about) anything then what the fuck is the point of me being his ‘significant’ other? If he can lie about small things then what else is he lying about? Does 17 years mean nothing if he has to lie about small shit?

That was enough for me to lose my shit and so I done what any self-respecting woman would do and kicked his ass out!

Obviously my mood has been worse than a bitch on heat and I’ve drunk myself almost to the point of no return (at a bar, got shitfaced and left with a guy but came to my senses before ‘no return’ happened)… self-destruction isn’t really my thing which, for the most part, I am thankful. I tend to analyse everything ‘down to the tee’ to a point where I am usually 10-steps ahead when most are still figuring out where to start, a strength and a niggle depending on the situation.

So now I am a point where I feel like I can’t trust Tyrone and need to remove him from my life… for my own sanity and dignity if not anything else. Finding that balance to grieve, be pissed off, hurt and single all at once while ensuring that I am taking care of myself and my daughter is the crossroads I find myself at. We’re not loaded (rich, wealthy) so it’s not like I can jump on a plane and fly to the other side of the world (as much as i’d love to) so coping with this situation I find (put) myself in is something that (for necessities sake) needs to be done in a house that i’ve built memories with a man who I no longer have time or compassion for and since doing ‘drunky and funky’ was not the quick fix i hoped it would be I need to explore to ensure I come out the other side happy, stronger and learned, not twisted, angry and bitter… and so it begins.

Day One.

Mind Made Up.

 

 

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